Awkward Church Funnies

This is just a collection of things that have happened at church that I found amusing and sometimes cringeworthy. It was probably rather awkward/embarrassing for the priest/parish staff at the time, but one can’t take religion too seriously. This might not happen at all churches/denominations.

Wrong readings: It is always awkward when the assigned reader doesn’t read the expected passage, whether they are on the wrong week, the Bible is turned to the wrong page, or the reader forgets when they’re supposed to stop and keep reading until the end of the chapter. I’ve seen priests notice and stop the reader, and I’ve been priests show concern, but just let the train wreck continue.

Impossible to pronounce Jewish names: There are quite a few names in the Old Testament that are difficult to pronounce (like Mahershalalhashbaz, Chushanrishathaim, or Mephibosheth). Some people practice or research the names ahead of time to avoid embarassment, and sometimes people try to wing it and they just come out very wrong or sounding nothing like the name.

Wrong hymns: Sometimes the churchwardens forget to update the hymn board from the previous week, put up the wrong hymn number, or there’s a discrepancy between the hymn board and what is listed in the bulletin. Often the mistake is not discovered until the music starts playing and the congregation looks at each other trying to confirm if the have flipped to the right page in the hymnal.

Overconsececration: For a variety of reasons, extra wafers may be consecrated, but because Anglicans don’t typically reserve the sacarament, all of it must be consumed. Normally the Master of Ceremonies does a quick count to ensure there are sufficient hosts but sometimes it goes horrible wrong and there are way too many left over. It is amusing/awkward to watch the priest/deacons “reverently consume” a large number of dry wafers before carrying on with the rest of the worship service.

Priest going rogue: Sometimes the priest doesn’t follow the published liturgy and decides to improvise. I’ve seen a priest decide that the congregation would recite the Apostles’ Creed rather than the Nicene Creed as laid out in the bulletin.

Laity going rogue: Sometimes laymen are given the opportunity to say prayers in front of the congregation, and that could end up going horribly. They say awkward prayers or they just drag the prayer on and on.

Too much incense: I normally wouldn’t say that one can use too much incense, but if it sets of the smoke detector and the fire department arrives, or the gospel reader is having a coughing fit and can’t finish the reading, I would say that’s probably too much incense.